Things that suck about php

How about useless error messages. This shit right here just wasted 3+ hours of my god damned time. Why? JUST  WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT THERE IS AN ARRAY TO STRING CONVERSION WHEN THERE CLEARLY ISN’T.


Thanks for the moronic messages PHP

What clown ass moron even thought this was a good message to return when a multi-dimensional array is passed instead of a regular array? I even had the shit wrapped in is_array() to make sure only an array was passed to avoid the bullshit string error message.

I mean who the hell sat there and was like, you know what we should do if someone accidentally passes a multi-dimensional array… yeah we should tell them they passed a string. And who the hell agreed with this dipshit idea?

Why the hell not just tell me  the magical fairy queen eats at 9am? Both are just as  useful. I want  to kick the morons right in their ballsac for this jackassed no brain 100%  useless message.


It really pisses me off I lost so many hours to some false BS error message that had me checking all kind of my code scratching my head saying WTF? Why not give people a real error message that points them in the right direction. After I found this BS it took me 5 minutes to fix the offending code FFS.

Wasting my time with BS error messages that make 0 sense



Would you the shittiest network coverage possible? Do you enjoy important dropped calls? Do you like a noisy background when you talk? Do you like missing lots of calls and text messages only to get bombarded once your POS phone actually finds a signal good enough to communicate with the network? Do you like saying “Can you hear me now?”

THEN YOU WOULD LOVE AT&T’s shitty network coverage. The locations where AT&T actually work are VERY ANEMIC. Their coverage sucks EVERYWHERE.

Out of all of the mobile carriers the world knows… AT&T has the absolute shittiest, worst coverage known to man. I would like to know where the hell they think their phones even work? Because they don’t work where I live, and they don’t work in even some big cities like Cape Coral Florida FFS.

I mean it is so bad it is like they are trying to be horrible.

STEER CLEAR OF AT&T. Shitty service, shitty coverage and tons of shitty spam. IT truly is the spam network.





You can’t get worse service than AT&T.


AT&T the spam network

That could be another title for this article. This is the MOST GREEDY  OF THE MOST GREEDY POS COMPANIES ON EARTH.

Lets face it AT&T is the absolute worst cell carrier out there. Their coverage TOTALLY SUCKS ASS MAJORLY. I was down in Fort Myers Florida in the city and couldn’t get service. I get shit service where I live. Hell I can’t think of many places AT&T actually works.

That isn’t even the worst part. The worst part is I have to leave my phone on SILENT. WHY? WHY YOU ASK?  Because of constant spam texts and calls. This is a money making SCAM by AT&T and the government should stop it.

It shouldn’t be legal for a company to charge you over $100 a month for service and then say… Well you know if you don’t give us an extra $3.99 per month WE WILL OPEN THE FLOOD GATES TO HELL ON YOUR ASS AND SEND YOU 50 SHIT TEXT MESSAGES AND PHONE CALLS A DAY.

You can bet your ass AT&T when I get the money I will leave your shit sucking service in a split second. And I will continue to warn everyone I encounter about your shitty, spam filled money grabbing BS actions.

Your customers shouldn’t have to pay you extra just to not have YOU SEND SPAM YOU MORONS.

T-mobile offers spam blocking for FREE. IMAGINE THAT??? WOW NO SPAM FOR FREE!!!

See how many people you can lose AT&T you dishonest assholes

And isn’t this just fucking cute. They publish propaganda pieces like this telling people they are fighting the problem. GTFO You lieing fucking assholes. You expect people who pay for your shitty suck balls service to believe more of your bullshit lies? Sure you are helping stop spam to your customers WHO PAY YOU EXTRA FOR A FUCKING APP MORONIC ASSHOLES.



Ubuntu 20 slow and freezes often

I’ve used Ubuntu since version 8 or about 2009/2010ish. It used to be super fast. You used to be able to run it on ANYTHING. It was easy to use. I can’t take the damn slowness these days.

Update. Apparently Gnome is the culprit plus some other useless crap. Some say Kubuntu is faster. I don’t have time to dink around with this right now.

Here is a total list of all the things that still suck on ALL linux desktops in 2022 Major Linux problems on the desktop 2022 edition.

These days Ubuntu is SLOWER THAN MOLASSES IN THE WINTER IN SIBERIA. So slow I am HONESTLY thinking about switching back to Windows just so I can work. I rather spend my time working than investigating and typing utter bullshit cryptic commands into the command line.

nothing works meme
Ubuntu 20

Booting is extra slow, 3 to 5 minutes on an i7 with 16Gb ram. That is purely insane. I think this is a record honestly.

Opening any program is slower than hell, whether it is a browser or an IDE, Slow. Slow and slow.


Linux has a special trick called freeze…

And once this MOFO freezes, you can’t do shit. Nothing works.  No combination of keys on the keyboard will give any result. Your only option with Ubuntu/Linux desktop is to un-plug your PC.


I don’t feel like digging into any files to figure out WTF this pile of bile is doing. I am guessing Ubuntu/Mint (this all happens on another PC I am running mint on) TOTALLY SUCKS at memory management, as the freezes almost always happen when I am using a browser. Honestly I use my computer to get shit done not to screw around playing with the command line trying to get everything working so I can feel extra smart.

That shit is for kids. In adultland we need our PC to turn on and run programs and function and shit like that.

sarcastic kid meme

But the slowness and freezing really sucks and is pushing me to move back to Windows for web development and programming. Plus most of the image editing, video editing, etc. etc. etc. software for Linux desktop is not worth the shit. Hell most of the software for linux desktop is chock full o bugs.

I sent someone my resume I created with LibreOffice they sent me an email back saying they couldn’t open it. Yay, we still have that old ass issue in 2021???

homer simpson meme
My first encounter with an app using an ORM

Then you got the damn issues with print drivers and video drivers and drivers in general. In reality you are lucky if you get a PC to run Linux desktop properly. And don’t give me this shit about flavor xxx is better. They are all built from the same damn kernel, which is what most functionality is built on.

Right now I need my computer to work. I have too much to do to stop and investigate why Linux is not working and dig through logs and google and go to forum after forum, for 2 damn days.

Screw that and soon screw Linux desktop too.

I am over the sluggishness.

Over the super hard freezes.

Over the slow startups.

Over the slow everything and piss poor memory management.

It probably doesn’t even use all 8 cores either. And to think you used to be able to run Ubuntu on tiny devices.
I bet the Linux Fanboys are having some hyperventilating butthurt right now, gonna leave me lots of comments. They never read the article, then leave the dumbest comments.

I love you guys too and I want to help you heal that butthurt.


Why Amazon search sucks and how it can be fixed

Well, someone had to say it!

This is about more than just amazon search sucking. It is about the entire industry and the assbackwards hiring practices they are using. This started out as a simple Amazon search sucks article, until I decided to dig into their hiring process. I then discovered their hiring process to find experienced engineers is as assbackwards as assbackwards  can be. And this is something plaguing the entire industry.

Amazon search sucks! Why? Well a video is worth more than 1,000,000 words.

First off note the difference in result count, 690 vs 3000  when I choose to sort by price low to high. It seems like 3000 is a hard coded random number not an actual real result.

You will never ever be able to view 3,000 products, because this search is FAKE.

Also notice, once I switch to lowest to highest, all of the  sellers with their unrelated garbage pops up. So now you get page after page after page of non-relevant garbage results.

awesome sauce meme
Isn’t this just awesome

So if you don’t filter you get pages of randomly priced items in a random list. That is never helpful to me on any site EVER. That pretends like the price doesn’t matter. How can anyone find what they are looking for if they don’t compare prices? As prices go up, objects often get more features and are of higher quality. Plus what kind of sense does it make to have $38 next to or after $299 or vice versa?

Maybe I shouldn’t have tried the price range feature with the lower to higher filter? But why would I think that would work any better?

So now you get 7 pages of desiccant and humidifier parts instead of humidifiers.

amazon search meme
Amazons search algorithm is all like

Only 7 pages for you!!!

And don’t you just love how it stops at page 7? THAT IS 100% useless.  So now you get less results than if you didn’t filter, and the results you get are 100% UTTER SHIT. This is just bad programming and design.

Hell even if you don’t choose any of the filters, you get 7 pages of results. THAT IS IT. WTF? WOW REALLY GUYS?

Searching on Amazon is fun
How to fix this

I have no idea how Amazon is designed. It could be a technological mess of one piece added onto another in a patch quilt type manner. I am guessing that is the case after looking further into Amazons hiring practices.

It would be nice though if they could get these features working, since they have no real competition. I mean more than 7 pages of search results would be nice. You know show us all of the results.

Why show 3k search results but only allow pagination of 7 pages for a total of less than 400 products?

Makes sense right?

People have been complaining all over the internet about this, even in amazon forums. I have no idea why the hell they don’t address this BS.


So a recruiter from amazon ( more like 10 LOL) contacted me on LinkedIn. No they didn’t know about this article, or my website even, nor did they care. They were looking for people with 10 to 15 years experience with various technologies and languages, like I have. I decided for shits and giggles to see what kind of BS they were doing to candidates during the hiring process.


We can’t find any qualified employees

What an utter joke. I see why their search sucks and AWS products like CodeBuild give stupid errors like Error: 255 and no info.  The process Amazon is using, screens out experienced people.

What is the first part of the process for screening experienced candidates? Hackerrank bullshit brain teaser tests of course. Yeah you know the shit that not one soul on earth uses in a daily job FFS.

Hacjkerranks? Are you kidding me FFS?
In the real world people solve real problems!

Hackerrank might be OKish for finding new programmers right out of college. But it is absolutely horrible for finding experienced Software Engineers and developers. Why? Why you ask? Shouldn’t the experienced guy know all the stuff of the fresher and more? NO that is just not how the human brain works.  The human brain dumps information it doesn’t utilize on a daily basis.

If you don’t use something your brain dumps it. How many of you remember all the Algebra and other math from highschool? I bet you an 8th grader who makes good grades can kick your ass in Algebra  and basic math right now. Why? Because it is fresh in their minds because they are learning/using it and you are not.

So a Software Engineer with 15+ years experience is going to be 15 years removed from solving bullshit brain teasers. Furthermore to solve these utter horseshit brain teasers, one must be SUPER FAMILIAR with one single programming language to the point they can program any  moronic brain teaser algorithm with just the bare structures of the language, no libraries or frameworks and you can’t google or read any docs.

GTFO with that level of time wasting stupid.
GTFO with Hackerrank BS

Another reason an Experienced Engineer won’t be able to pass those moronic hackerrank bullshit brain teasers is, they have spent 15+ years doing real things, solving real problems. These real problems use different parts of a language and you often use libraries and frameworks to solve the problems easier. This further removes you from having to create algorithms on your own or even use parts of the language to do so.

For example. The Javascript code you need to use to solve the bullshit brain teasers, is nothing like the Javascript I write daily to listen for events and manipulate the DOM. Never once have I ever needed to search an array of 1 and -1’s to find a sub array that equals 1 when multiplied, then return the length of the sub array.Yeah not one  time in 16 years have I needed to do such useless moronic, college brain teaser  bullshit. Imagine that!!! I mean who knew that wasn’t some shit you need to do on a daily basis in web development or programming in general.

In short, you will never, ever, use most of that shit on Hackerrank in your life EVER.

sarcastic kid meme

And hackerrank teaches horrible coding practices.  All in one functions, instead of SRP. Short nonsensical variable names that don’t tell you shit of what they do. Instead of well, purposefully named variables that tell you WTF they do. I am sorry but a,b doesn’t tell me shit. How about length, width???? Hackerrank is teaching people to write horrible code, and others agree.

look a wizard meme
Am I a programming wizard?

Aha. Now I see why AWS CodeBuild returned horseshit instead of usable errors. And that is why I decided I had no use for AWS and started looking into the many other alternatives. I am not wasting my time with something that returns useless bullshit errors. That screams amateur programmer and that further screams “random bs bugs” But at least all their programmers can pass those Hackerranks they learned to program from FFS.

At least they can hackerranks

I can promise you that many software engineers, developers, programmers etc. with 10+ years experience have probably never even heard of Hackerrank, unless they have recently looked for a job. I hadn’t until this recruiter sent me to that horror site of bad coding practices. Why? Because I’ve spent the last 16 years working on projects, programming, web developing and having hobbies like learning electrical engineering, horticulture/gardening, living a life etc.  I don’t have time for that BS to be honest.

And most experienced Engineers, programmers, developers etc. Most people in all fields of employment, after 15 years have a busy life. So basically these hackerrank tests are a filter to filter out people who are over age 25 or who have a life. They have no other purpose than to discriminate.

One reason I can see that tech companies would do this is because young people fresh out of college usually have no life yet. Young people are naive and willing to work insane hours trying to get ahead or make more money. You people are willing to work for less than they are worth just for the sake of adding to their resume. Older people have a life. Older people don’t want to work way over 40 hours a week. Older people have families and hobbies and interests other than working themselves to death.

If you do the math, 150k a year isn’t worth the 80 to 100 hours  a week some of these companies will want you to work. The tech industry is one of the most horrible to work in due to this fact of them demanding more than 40 hours a week.

If you do the math,even if you make a whopping 150k a year, if you work 60 hours a week( 12 hours a day, 5 days a week) = 3120 hours a year, about $48 an hour.

Now compare this to self employment building web apps with WordPress. You can charge $60 an hour, work 40 hours a week and make about 125k a year. The trade off is you get more time to yourself to have a life, but only make a little less. Not only that, you can charge more an hour say $75 or $150 an hour depending on what you are doing.

And the best part is you don’t have to waste your time every few years when you want a new job, having to relearn all the algorithm BS and getting good at sites like Hackerrank etc. This means my knowledge continues to be valuable and  I can learn just what I need to make money. I can have more time for family, hobbies and life in general.

Even if I wanted a job, I wouldn’t stop all I am doing and spend many weeks learning Algorithms and playing on hackerrank learning very specific parts of one single language well enough to complete a brain teaser in a POS IDE that sucks major balls. I respect the effort and time it must have taken to create such an IDE in a browser, but it still sucks compared to our daily tools. Which leads to another point, the IDE.

Many of us who have been in the field of programming/web development etc. for more than 12 months PAY FOR OUR IDE.  We highly customize our IDE to each language we use, those of use who are poly programmers.

I have dyslexia my IDE tells me when I misspell words and even variable names. Because thisVaraible is not the same as thisVariable or thiVariable.

My IDE also helps me spot unmatching brackets and other language syntax errors and highlights that save me lots of time. Hell my IDE will even show me the documentation for a specific function I am about to use. Or even allow me to open up the code itself to view it myself. My IDE will even tell me when there are code conflicts such as ambiguity etc. These little things help and we get used to them.

mind blown

So basically asking a programmer who pays for an IDE to use some foreign, greatly inferior IDE, to perform a task they don’t do daily; is like hiring a carpenter who builds cabinets and trim work, to build you a wooden spiral staircase from memory, with a bunch of no quality, bottom end, Chinese tools you bought off ebay, that may or may not work properly, but hey they look the same.

The carpenter very well may have the skills to build the staircase, but may need to review the math and build templates first.  They will also have their very own, often very expensive set of tools to do the job.

Side note, I do carpentry too. LOL You should see the house I built my 3d printer. It even has framed little walls and door. It is 100% air tight, with an attached hose and fan that fit in a window to suck out the plastic fumes.

Programmer !== Software Engineer

Another reason most Senior Software Engineers probably won’t pass those tests is because they are not programmers. The Tech industry decided to mix up the concept of programmer and software engineer. A programmer programs. A Software Engineer can program, but probably spends most of their time reading. Reading Documentation about Software they are considering including in the project. Software engineers read things like tech RFCs like this.

Basically it is the job of a Software Engineer to understand system design overall and pick the parts the application will be built with, everything from the software like MySQL or Postgre to hosting and which language is picked for the project. The job of the programmers is to use the language that was picked by the Senior Engineer and use the softwares picked by the Senior Engineer etc. The Senior Engineer then also mentors and helps troubleshoot issues with the programmers.

The main value of a Senior Software engineer is not in their ability to perform valueless algorithm programming exercises. The value of a Senior Engineer is in their long time experience with technology and engineering software and all of the bugs, quirks and issues they have encountered and solved in their lifetime. That is the value of a Senior Software engineer and giving them bullshit hackerrank tests only eliminates them from your hiring pool MORONS.

Someone straight out of college might be able to quickly do a hackerrank, but will they recognize why a system is failing and be able to diagnose it? Only someone with prior experience with fighting Linux permissions would even know where to begin to even look for a solution. That shit is not taught on Hackerrank or in college.

I  iz serious admin. LOL

How to find experienced Engineers?

So how does one go about finding experienced Engineers and weeding out shitty programmers? Well to start with don’t funnel them through the same damn filter you are putting juniors/freshers through.

An experienced Engineer/developer will have previous projects they have worked on. Ask them about those projects. Read their resume. Visit their websites if they have any. Ask them how they would handle a theoretical situation like a server crash. Ask them to see some previous code they have in a github repository.  Ask them to refactor/rewrite some old code they have in a repository, this is probably the best way since you can see what it looked like, and how they upgraded it. Maybe even give a small on their free time project to complete. Something simple like fetch data from this api endpoint or send a request to the endpoint etc.

But finding Experienced Engineers/developers with 10, 20 or more years experience with Hackerrank is absolutely how not to find those very people.

This kind of BS with testing and working more than 40 hours a week etc. etc. etc. is why there is a shortage of Tech workers. More are realizing they can work for themselves. More are just switching to industries that suck less. Software Engineering/development sucks balls to be honest. Most of the tools, libraries, frameworks, software etc. suck and have shit documentation. Imagine fighting quirky software that isn’t documented properly daily, it really takes the fun out of programming/developing. Now imagine you are stuck in a job that forces you to work with a bunch of dysfunctional software for 12+ hours a day 6 days a week.

angry cat not going to happen
Lets work more than 40 hours a week.

The tech industry is literally one of the main industries that thinks it is normal to over work their employees more than 40 hours a week. GTFO with that toxic BS culture.